


Safe Haven

by sophieofwinterfell



Series: A Collection of Firsts [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blackinnon Week 2020, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), blackinnon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophieofwinterfell/pseuds/sophieofwinterfell
Summary: Sirius had never seen her so immersed in anything, or look so tragically beautiful.
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Series: A Collection of Firsts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827946
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 of Blackinnon Week: "First time being hurt/vulnerable/sick around each other":
> 
> Damn I almost don't make it. I finished this only a while ago, and I edited it in a rush, so if there are more mistakes than usual, I apologise!
> 
> Thank you to those who comment, and leave a kudos!!!!!!! You are all so sweet and I appreciate it so much!  
> Hope you enjoy this one.

**Safe Haven**

It had started out like any other day, although he should have known something was off.

McKinnon had appeared on his bed in the middle of the night and, while that wasn’t something strange at all because they had shared a bed _way_ before they had got together, she had been unusually quiet. It was common for them to talk at least a little bit before falling asleep, or laugh quietly at Peter’s sleep talking or Remus’ snores. They sometimes even dared to shut the curtains, cast a _muffliato_ and get down to business if they were feeling particularly horny. The previous night, however, she had shown up later than usual to the point Sirius had thought she wouldn’t be coming that night, and had only snuggled his side and fallen asleep.

Although, now that he thought about it, she probably hadn’t slept at all, because McKinnon moved a lot and he hadn’t been abruptly awoken by one of her kicks that night like it was custom.

When Remus’ alarm had gone off to indicate the start of another day, she had already gone. Which, again, it wasn’t odd, but he should have realised.

It wasn’t until breakfast, when he and the lads had entered the Great Hall and had seen Lily, Dorcas and Mary already there that it called his attention.

“Where’s McKinnon?” he’d asked Lily casually, because he didn’t want to be that dramatic.

“She wasn’t in her bed this morning,” the redhead had replied, frowning a bit. “I thought she was with you.”

“She was,” he’d confirmed, trying to ignore the sudden feeling of uneasiness that had settled on his stomach. “Maybe she’s still getting dressed,” he’d said, because he hadn’t wanted to worry Lily or make a big deal out of something he wasn’t sure about.

But Marlene hadn’t attended Transfiguration, Charms or Potions, and had skipped lunch as well, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by their friends either. Lily and Mary had gone back to their dormitory to check if she could be there, and Dorcas had even gone to the hospital wing to make sure she hadn’t fallen ill or something. When the girls had come back with absolutely no clue of where she could be, James had taken out the map out of his bag and had started searching for her under Sirius’ unrepentant gaze.

“I can’t find her anywhere,” James said frustratedly, after spending the whole free period scanning the map; he had a frown in his face. “Have you shown her the secret passages to Hogsmeade? Maybe she ran out of chocolate and decided to go to Honeydukes.”

“Yes, she knows some of them, but…” he trailed off.

Marlene was the person with the most insatiable sweet tooth Sirius had ever met and in other circumstances, she could have gone that far; but the NEWTs were getting threateningly close and he knew underneath all her relaxed attitude, she was as stressed as everyone else, especially because she needed great results if she wanted to become a Mediwitch. So, Sirius thought James’ suggestion wasn’t right — and, by the look on his best friend’s face, he knew he didn’t even believe it himself.

“Something else happened,” James finished for him in a frustrated sigh.

 _And it must be very bad_ , Sirius thought to himself, the uneasy feeling in his stomach already the size of a proper Quaffle of worry. _Especially if she doesn’t want to be found._

They had Defence the next period, but Sirius skipped it to search for her. James and Lily had wanted to go too, but he convinced them it would bring them unnecessary attention, and they didn’t want the teachers to notice, especially because McGonagall had already found out and had asked them about Marlene. Dorcas, fortunately, had been quick enough to lie and say she was in bed with a stomach ache, and McGonagall believed her because Dorcas _never_ broke the rules.

Sirius searched the whole damn castle, and he even transformed into his Animagus form to enter the Forbidden Forest and give it a quick scan, in case she had decided to do something reckless, like going to fight a centaur or something, but she was nowhere in sight. Frustrated, worried and straight-up furious at her by then, Sirius checked the map one last time; he was about to close it and go take one of the secret passages to Hogsmeade, to start searching the village, when a dot with the name _Marlene McKinnon_ suddenly showed up.

His heart stopped at the sight and, when he saw her location, he let out a loud curse for not having thought about it earlier. Running as fast as he could, Sirius climbed what felt like a million stairs until he got to the seventh floor and caught the girl herself walking in circles in front of the Barnabas the Barmy’s tapestry, about to disappear once again.

Out of breath, Sirius yelled, “McKinnon! Don’t you fucking dare!”

Marlene stopped dead in her tracks, startled, and turned around with wide eyes, to find Sirius at the end of the corridor, panting and absolutely _fuming_.

“Black,” he blurted out in surprise. “How did you—”

In large, quick steps, he was at her astounded face in a second.

“Oh, well, since you’ve asked,” he snapped, sarcastically. “I spent the whole fucking day roaming around the castle like a complete idiot, with my eyes glued to the map so much I think they are going to fall off. I sneaked into the Forbidden Forest and even asked Hagrid if he’d seen you around. I was about to go to to fucking _Hogsmeade—_ ”

“Alright, fine. I get your point,” she cut him off, taken aback by how worked up he was. “I should have left you a note.”

“Oh, you think?” he scoffed, narrowing his eyes. “And it’s not only _me_. Lily is freaking out. Mary and Peter have asked half the castle about you. Remus made up excuses to all of our teachers and Dorcas, _fucking Dorcas_ , lied to McGonagall when she asked us why you didn’t attend any of your classes today. Seven hells, James was _this_ close to write to one of your sisters and ask whether there has been an emergency or—”

A strangled sob interrupted his furious rambling, and Sirius watched in awe as Marlene covered her face with her hands and her shoulders started shaking.

The shock at her reaction was so huge that for a few seconds, Sirius could only stare at her. When the shock wore off, however, he only stood there in silence, so uncomfortable and out of place that he didn’t know what to do.

Sirius considered himself to be _allergic_ to emotion, especially those concerning vulnerability and _crying_. He had the faintest of memories from when he was still a baby — grabbing tightly onto the bars of his cradle and crying non-stop because he wanted comfort, attention or whatever a baby could need. His mother and father had never come, and when Regulus had been little and had been in similar situation, he could remember watching his parents in expectation, as if waiting for them to comfort his little brother the way they never had done with him, but even with Regulus, her favourite child, Walburga used to say, “let him cry; Blacks don’t cry, he needs to grow a backbone.”

So, Sirius had grown up seeing _crying_ as a weakness or a bad thing. Of course now he no longer thought of it that way, but it did stick in his mind how vulnerable one was when crying. There was also the question that he didn’t have the slightest idea of how to comfort someone who cried; he had tried to soothe his little brother once and, when his mother had caught him, had given him a beating. After that, whenever he saw someone cry, Sirius simply ran to the opposite direction… When he had drunkenly shared that story with James and Remus one summer night at the Potters (Peter had been on holiday with his mother), Remus had called it a defense mechanism.

Whatever it was, Sirius couldn’t _stand_ to watch people cry. Much less people he cared about… and man, did he care about Marlene McKinnon.

He figured that was why he did it — it must have been a basic, human impulse he’d buried long ago; because as soon as he could shake off his traumas, he closed the distance between them and surrounded her with his arms tightly and protectively and, surprisingly (because he knew she was no better than him at these things), Marlene didn’t push him away but sunk her face on his chest and cried even harder.

“What happened?” he asked, unable to help it. He had _never_ seen her cry before and she was a tough girl. “Did—Did someone hurt you?”

Suddenly, he was reminded of what Mulciber and Avery had tried to do to Mary back in sixth year, and his blood ran cold. If any of those perverted assholes had _dared_ to touch her he would kill them, he would seriously kill them and consequences could be damned.

But even though she didn’t verbally answer, Sirius felt her shake her head as in no, and he could relax only a little bit.

The sound of footsteps coming down from the end of the corridor startled them, and Marlene tensed in his arms, clearly not wanting to be seen like that. Sirius hid her as much as he could with his back and looked up, only to find a small group of first years coming their way, but he threw them such a glare that the kids quickly scattered away. He allowed her to cry some more, rubbing her back clumsily and weaving his fingers through her messy blonde waves. He didn’t know what to say, so he simply stayed quiet and tried to comfort her physically, and even though it took a while, it seemed to have worked to a degree, because her sobs gradually calmed down and she stopped shaking.

When she drew away slightly from him to dry her tears, Sirius allowed her a moment of privacy and took advantage of that to do the necessary ritual to access the Room of Requirement, which had definitely been Marlene’s hiding spot. He couldn’t know what she would have wanted, so he simply thought what _he_ wanted right then.

 _I need a quiet, comfortable place where she feels safe_.

After the third time he’d walked by the wall, a wooden, simple door appeared right in front of them, and Sirius took Marlene’s hand to guide her inside. When they stepped in, they found a large room of a rather medieval style and decoration, with big bow windows and walls all caved in intricate designs made of wood. There were portraits and paintings, and a fireplace adding a warm glow to the room surrounded by what looked like worn-out but cosy sofas. What stood out the most though, was an old, beautiful piano, right in the centre of the room.

Sirius hadn’t known exactly what to expect, but he wasn’t surprised. The room wasn’t that much different to the Gryffindor common room, except for the size, the English green predominating the decoration and the piano. The atmosphere, however, was more intimate and familiar. Marlene was evidently shocked for a moment, and then a small smile slowly grew on her face, making Sirius relieved.

She made her way to the piano, having only eyes for it, and sat on the bench in front of it. She stared at it for a moment and brought her fingers to touch the wooden surface softly, unhurriedly, as if caressing something dearly. She brushed her fingers over the keys and, after a few moments of exploration, she straightened her back and started playing.

It was a piece Sirius had never heard before, even if he _had_ been instructed briefly (one of the requirements of pureblood education) on piano, but he had never been good at it, and his tutor had been a strict, horrible woman, so he’d never really learnt anything. However, the delicate beauty of the melody relaxed him greatly, and he stepped further into the room to get closer and watch Marlene. He stood right by her side, watching her profile in silence while she gave it all to the music. Her eyes were closed and her brow slightly furrowed in concentration; tears falling silently from her eyes. A tiny smile was tugging at her lips.

Sirius had never seen her so immersed in anything, or look so tragically beautiful.

He knew she played the piano; James had one in his house and, in summer, she sometimes played silly tunes for them, or covered some Muggle songs they all liked, but he hadn’t known she could play this well, or something so complex. It was like getting to know a completely different side of her; one that was softer, and much more fragile.

When the melody came to an end, Marlene remained with her eyes closed for a few seconds, almost letting herself be _charged_ by the energy left by the music. When she opened her eyes, she turned her head slightly and smiled up at him _._

“Thank you,” she told him in a low voice.

“I didn’t really do anything,” he admitted, sitting on the bench next to her.

“You thought of this place,” she said, softly. “It was just what I needed.”

“I’m glad — that was what I asked. Somewhere you would feel better.”

“I do feel better,” she smiled. “Thank you, Sirius.”

Sirius shrugged it off, because he didn’t know how to accept gratitude and he hadn’t done much anyway. Marlene, as always, read what was going through his head, and turned slightly on her seat to reach for his face and kiss him. It was a gentle, loving kiss — they had kissed like that a few times before, even if they were more of hard, filthy kisses that led to more sinful activities; but for some reason, this one felt different. Her soft lips captured his tenderly and with no rush, and her hands were caressing his face with such care that Sirius’ chest contracted in a strong, warm feeling, and his arms surrounded her waist to bring her to him just because he wanted to have her as close as possible.

“You play so well,” he commented, his voice rough and low after their kisses. “What was that piece?”

“Chopin’s Nocturne No. 2, Op. 9,” she replied, a melancholic smile on her face. “It was my mum’s favourite.”

“She taught you to play? In a place like this?”

Marlene nodded. “This looks very similar to my family’s country house, in Gairloch. We used to go every summer, before my mother passed away. It was the seat of her family and… and…” her bottom lip started trembling, and her eyes pooled with tears again. She took in a deep breath to calm down. “My father—My father wants to sell it to—to pay for his fucking wedding!”

“What?” Sirius frowned. “His wedding?”

Marlene sighed. “I got a letter from him last night. He’s getting remarried,” she explained, her lips pursed and her voice bitter. “Which, you know, I’m fine with. It’s been years and he never truly loved my mother anyway — it was a convenient marriage. But why the fuck does he have to sell _her_ home to pay for his new girlfriend’s whims?”

Sirius had met Marlene’s father before, several times. The McKinnons were one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight families so clearly they were always invited to social events; they had been to his mother’s parties a few times, even if their relationships weren’t as spotless as his mother would have approved. He had never thought too much of the man; he’d always seemed rather boring and inconsequential, and Sirius knew Marlene didn’t particularly hold him in high-esteem. In fact, she never talked much about him, but he had never expected him to pull such a dick move.

“Why does he get to decide over your mother’s property? Doesn’t she have any other relatives?”

“No, she was an only child, so technically, her inheritance went to her husband by conjugal law,” Marlene snorted, disgusted. “I’m telling you, I’m never gonna get married.”

Sirius grinned. “Damn, there goes my surprise of asking for your hand.”

That made her laugh. “That would have been a surprise, indeed.”

“Is that a no then?” Marlene rolled her eyes with a smile, and Sirius was glad he’d made her feel better, but he felt like he needed to say something else. “I’m sorry, McKinnon. Really. I know how much your mother and that place mean to you.”

He really did; anyone who cared about her should have. Whenever she talked about her childhood, her mother and that magical place in the Highlands always came up in the conversation. Sirius couldn’t even imagine the pain she must have felt when she’d read the news. He was so mad at her father that he felt like going to find him and kick his ass for being such an insensitive asshole, without even using magic.

“It’s fine. I’ll—I’ll get over it, I guess,” she sighed, tiredly. “I still have the memories, and no one, not even my father and his stupid new wife, can take that away from me. It’s just… I was so mad and hurt. I wanted to disappear for a while.” She looked at him and brushed his hair off his eyes. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“You should have told me,” he reproached, unable to help it. “Or James, or Lily. You scared the hell out of us. I almost went to ask a _teacher_ for help, McKinnon. Do you even know the stain that would have been for my reputation?”

“Sirius Black…” she gasped, dramatically; a grin forming on her lips. “Asking the teachers for help? You _care_ about me!”

“It pains me to say it, but yeah. I do.”

“I care about you too, Black,” she said, still smiling. “And thank you for being so… _understanding_. I know you don’t do emotions.”

“Please, Kitten,” Sirius huffed, rolling his eyes, although there was a smirk tugging at his lips. “That rule has been off since we started… whatever this is.”

“I knew you weren’t as fucked up as you make everyone believe.”

“Shut up. I have a reputation to keep.”

Marlene grinned, cheekily. “Make me then.”

And Sirius did just as she asked, and not just for the sake of his reputation, but because for McKinnon, he would do that — kiss her when she asked, hold her while she cried, kick ass if they hurt her, be her own safe haven and say and do emotional shit.

And so, so much more.

  
  
  



End file.
